you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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