dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
