That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
