I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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