I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
