so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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