take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
