booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
