Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
