I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
