highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
