I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
