Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
