On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
