My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
