Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
