he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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