very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
