thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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