Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
