I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
