i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
