Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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