You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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