cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
