I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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