so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
