Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
