my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
