I'm lost and stupid without you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
