she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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