i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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