I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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