I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
