i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
