They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
