So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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