first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
