I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
