I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
