I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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