I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
