so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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