i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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