when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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