Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
