I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
