he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
