Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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