i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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