I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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