Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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